"Dear Americans...

"...We totally agree with you about illegal immigration. Please allow us to show you to the nearest airport.

Sincerely,
Native Americans"

Thanks go to dearblankpleaseblank.com.

This! This is why I don't want my teenagers to have a car...

Gee. Thanks a lot honey. I love you too...

My wife, younger daughter, and I were getting our hair cut last night.  And here is a snippet of a conversation my daughter and I were having when we were so rudely interrupted...

daughter: "Gee, daddy, you should let me pluck out all your grey hairs and then you'd look really young!"
wife (from the other room): "But then he'd be bald!"

How much Spanish did you learn your first semester?

This is pretty dang funny. And I don't know about you, but the amount and quality of Spanish seems about what I learned...

I can't relate to this comic, can you?

None of you have ever done this, have you?  You know, write a scathing email then send it to the very person/people you were writing about?  I never have... Yeah, right.

By the way, I just love Pearls Before Swine.  I'm a big fan of silly puns and ridiculous word-play and PBS gives me my fix every day.  Read the artist's official blog here.

Some Chinese proverbs for your enjoyment

I like these.  Short, but oh, so true...

• A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.
• A bit of fragrance clings to the hand that gives flowers.
• A book holds a house of gold.
• A book is like a garden carried in the pocket.
• A book tightly shut is but a block of paper.
• A child's life is like a piece of paper on which every person leaves a mark.
• A diamond with a flaw is worth more than a pebble without imperfections.
• A gem is not polished without rubbing, nor a man perfected without trials.
• A nation's treasure is in its scholars.
• A rat who gnaws at a cat's tail invites destruction.
• Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.
• Be the first to the field and the last to the couch.
• Dig the well before you are thirsty.
• Do not fear going forward slowly; fear only to stand still.
• Don't open a shop unless you like to smile.
• Each generation will reap what the former generation has sown.
• He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
• He who strikes the first blow admits he's lost the argument.
• If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.
• If you don't want anyone to know, don't do it.
• Keep your broken arm inside your sleeve.
• Not until just before dawn do people sleep best; not until people get old do they become wise.
• Only the man who crosses the river at night knows the value of the light of day
• The palest ink is better than the best memory.
• To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.

Courtesy of the Insurance Broadcasting newsletter.  For more Chinese proverbs, check out Wikiquote.

On the first day of Christmas, my retailer sent to me...

..a small tire in a big, honkin' box!

Really.  That's all there was--one bmx tire--in this giant box.  Thanks to my co-worker who let me take a picture of his package, ...and the retailer shall remain nameless.

The cup is definitely half-full.

This is kinda how I approach when it is I play golf...

Chuck Norris is so tough...

This one is for my son, a big fan of Chuck Norris.  Or maybe it's just Chuck Norris jokes.

Anyway, Chuck has been named an honorary Texas Ranger!  Now, he doesn't have to pose as a Ranger being Cordell Walker; he can pose as a Ranger being himself!

I must say, he definitely looks better in this article than when I posted about him here.