WhiteRabbit

Great Lessons for Life and Work

2012-02-14T12:38:00.000-07:00

Are you a fan of Jeremy Lin? Who? you might say. And probably rightfully so.

Unless you're a basketball fan. Jeremy Lin is a pro basketball player for the New York Knicks. Up until very recently, there was really no reason to know who Jeremy was. He played his college ball at not-exactly-a-powerhouse-Harvard. He was not drafted by any NBA team and signed as a free agent last year with Golden State. Earlier this year, he was being played very sparingly and there were even plans to release him once some players returned from injury. But now?...

Due to those injuries, Jeremy was pressed into a starting role as the Knicks point guard. Since then (5 games playing at least 36 minutes each game) he has led the formerly 2-11 Knicks to a 5-0 record. How has he done it? Well, having some talent certainly helps, but no one in the NBA (or most colleges) seemed to have noticed. But what he really did was be ready for, and seize, an opportunity when it presented itself.

I thought this 10 item list by Forbes contributor Eric Jackson really put it well and gives us all some lessons about life and work and how to do and be our best. Here is Eric's list...

Believe in yourself when no one else does.
Seize the opportunity when it comes up.
Your family will always be there for you, so be there for them.
Find the system that works for your style.
Don't overlook talent that might exist around you today on your team.
People will love you for being an original, not trying to be someone else.
Stay humble.
When you make others around you look good, they will love you forever.
Never forget about the importance of luck or fate in life.
Work your butt off.

23 1/2 Hours

2012-01-13T18:52:00.000-07:00

In this awesome video, Dr. Mike Evans asks the question, "Can you limit your sitting and sleeping to just 23 1/2 hours a day?" And so what do you do with the other 1/2 hour that you're not sitting or sleeping? Without spoiling it too much, you Exercise! It doesn't even have to be too strenuous. Watch the video to see the benefits you can achieve by just being active for 1/2 hour a day. Then... go take a walk!

How come we didn't have...

2012-01-12T12:05:00.000-07:00

The good ol' days? Forget it! Why didn't we have these when my kids were small?

I think I'll go bungee-jumping...

2012-01-09T18:28:00.000-07:00

NOT!!!

At least not after this story on USA Today.

Yes, that's a half of the cord snapping back up while the other half is still attached to the jumper on her way down... Thank goodness she is okay. However, she must've hit her head since she is considering doing it again sometime in the future.

Here's a link to the video if you aren't into reading about mishaps and just want to see them.

Watch for people scanning prices with their phones on Saturday!

2011-12-09T18:08:00.001-07:00

If you see an unusual number of people down at your local Target, Wal-Mart, or what-have-you-Mart scanning barcodes with their smartphones, they're probably using Amazon's Price Check app. Why would they be doing this? Well, this Saturday, Dec 10, Amazon will give you 5% off, up to $5 per item. You can do this for up to three items, thus saving you up to $15!

Thanks to lifehacker for the info!

Above and beyond the call of spousal support

2011-12-08T12:59:00.001-07:00

This story from TUAW shows the wife of Rovio's CEO wearing a dress resembling a certain bird. Can you see the familial lines? I guess after all the money her husband's game has made, it's the least she could do! Would you?

Pictures from Rovio and The Hollywood Reporter via TUAW

Something cool if you're a student

2011-12-08T12:44:00.000-07:00

Along with its calculation capabilities, Google is now graphing equations! Below is an example of what it can do. Just type the (single variable) equation you want graphed and voilà!

Thanks to LifeHacker for the tip!

Why it's called a "Big Mac" and not a "Big Win"

2011-11-21T13:13:00.001-07:00

Here are the instructions for setting up your computer (Mac or Windows PC) on McDonalds free wi-fi. Hmmm... Seven steps, or three? Which is going to get me back to my fries faster?

Thanks go to Daring Fireball via Cult of Mac (so you know it's biased, but so what?) for this link.

Geez, I wish I could present as well as this guy!

2011-11-10T12:31:00.001-07:00

And he's a 6th grader!

When are you coming back from your break?!?

2011-11-04T16:37:00.000-06:00

What does it say about a product that's in Beta and you already can't live without it after just a week or two? Well, right now, it's called Siri, Apple's "intelligent" assistant. The service was down for a few hours yesterday and it's down again today. I'm finding myself checking every so often to see if it's back (when Siri's down, it tells you that it can't connect to the network). And it's not just me either. Do a Twitter search on "Siri down" or "Siri outage" and there are numerous posts about it. Do a Google search for the same thing and you'll find any number of stories.

So, anyway, what do I think it says about the product? I think Apple has a big hit on its hands. I just hope it knows just how big it is and this is just a pre-release glitch and not what we can regularly expect from Siri.

Why I need two iPad 2s!

2011-10-31T12:43:00.000-06:00

One of these things is not like the other...

2011-10-20T12:28:00.001-06:00

I did a YouTube search for "golf iron shot." Here are the videos it's recommending for me. Hmmm...

Things I didn't know I didn't know

2011-10-06T17:38:00.000-06:00

I came across this pic while perusing USA Today the other day. Really? A record for riding a unicycle over bottles of beer?

I thought it interesting enough to take a screen cap and tuck it away, but I didn't think it'd be worth something to post about. But sure enough, today in the Salt Lake Tribune is a story about another record I didn't know existed: The Undie Run for "largest gathering of people wearing only underpants/knickers," according to the Guiness Book of World Records. So there you go. Two things like that come up; I must have to list them both.

Free games!

2011-10-05T12:27:00.001-06:00

So I'm going to date myself a little here, but here's your chance to score some free games! Yes, they are a little bit old, but I just loved playing Zork on my Commodore 64!

Duck!

2011-09-23T12:20:00.000-06:00

According to NASA, an old satellite is going to reenter the atmosphere late tonight (9/23) or early tomorrow morning. Luckily, most or all of the satellite will burn up on reentry, but there's always a chance that some debris will survive, according to the NASA UARS RSS feed.

Surviving in the wild

2011-09-22T17:43:00.002-06:00

I'm totally doing this at the next hotel I stay at on a business trip...

Of course, the question is, how do you just get two raw eggs and a couple of strips of raw bacon?

Thanks to LifeHacker for the tips!

Toughest golf holes in Utah!

2011-09-11T22:16:00.000-06:00

A group of sportswriters at the Salt Lake Tribune got together a list of what they felt are the 18 toughest holes of golf in Utah. According them, this "Mean 18" stretches over 7,700 yards and were selected to create a par-72 "course." One of the writers wrote about his experience. Would you agree with their list?

By the way, I've played 7 of the 18, and so far I'd probably have to agree, but eventually I'm going to play all 18 and post the score... Has anyone played more of them? What do you think?

I'm pretty sure this is how "I Am Legend" began...

2011-08-22T11:51:00.000-06:00

Didn't a genetically engineered cure for cancer start all the mayhem in the Will Smith movie, I Am Legend?... Actually, it appears to be a virus and not a T cell in the movie, but read on...

Seriously though, this is pretty cool stuff. The DeseretNews reports on a genetically engineered T cell that attacks cancer cells in advanced cases of a common type of leukemia. Apparently, the "researchers said they added instructions to a virus for creating a molecule that binds to leukemia cells and tells the T cells to destroy them." Please read the article for more. Obviously this is a very simplistic explanation and a more technical explanation can be found here.

I'm sure all of us have been affected in one way or another by cancer. Any steps toward a cure is a good step.

A Blog made out of trees?

2011-07-26T08:16:00.000-06:00

I love this quote: "For those of you under the age of 25, a magazine is a blog made out of trees."

It's from an article (on a blog...) describing how a die-hard professional Windows user (a former editor of Windows Magazine no less!) became an Apple fan-boy. Here's a hint if you are a Windows user and want to avoid the same fate: Do not get involved with Apple's gateway drugs!

How the Editor of Windows Magazine Became an Apple Fanboy

Free $2 credit for Amazon MP3 music!

2011-06-29T13:21:00.000-06:00

Get in on this quick! This deal will expire at the end of tomorrow (6/30 11:59PM Pacific) so don't dawdle if you want to take advantage of it.

What is it? Amazon is offering $2 of credit for MP3 music!

Maybe I'll see what $5 album I can get for $3... :)

Happy Fathers Day!

2011-06-20T07:50:00.000-06:00

A little late, but I thought this is a great cartoon! (I'm sure it doesn't have anything to do with me being a fan of the iPad.)

If only my kids were this lucky...

2011-06-06T12:53:00.000-06:00

Or maybe they're glad that they aren't! (Either way, this is awesome. Betcha can't look at just one...)

http://waveatthebus.blogspot.com/

GolfWeek's best municipal courses for 2011

2011-05-23T13:01:00.000-06:00

Here is a list of the 50 best municipal courses from around the country for 2011 according to GolfWeek. I've been lucky enough to play three of them, and I should easily be able to get the fourth played this year. And, they're all in Utah! Pretty lucky I am, I would say. How about you? How many of these have you played?

Year opened, designer(s), Rater's average

1. Bethpage State Park – Black

Farmingdale, N.Y.

1935, A.W. Tillinghast - 8.10

2. Chambers Bay

University Place, Wash.

2007, Robert Trent Jones Jr., Bruce Charlton - 7.76

3. Butterfield Trail

El Paso, Texas

2007, Tom Fazio - 6.56

4. Piñon Hills

Farmington, N.M.

1990, Ken Dye - 6.24

5. Torrey Pines – South

La Jolla, Calif.

1957, William F. Bell - 6.21

6. TPC Scottsdale – Stadium

Scottsdale, Ariz.

1987, Jay Morrish, Tom Weiskopf - 6.09

7. Arrowhead Pointe*

Elberton, Ga.

2003, Robert Walker - 5.90

8. Indian Wells Golf Resort – Players

Indian Wells, Calif.

2007, John Fought - 5.90

9. Highlands of Elgin*

Elgin, Ill.

2010, Keith Foster, Art Schaupeter - 5.86

10. Memorial Park

Houston

1936, John Bredemus; Baxter Spann (1996) - 5.85

11. Soldier Hollow – Gold

Midway, Utah

2004, Gene Bates - 5.83

12. Olympic Course at Gold Mountain

Bremerton, Wash.

1996, John Harbottle - 5.80

13. Laurel Hill

Lorton, Va.

2005, Bill Love - 5.78

14. Haggin Oaks – MacKenzie

Sacramento, Calif.

1932, Alister MacKenzie - 5.75

15. TPC Harding Park

San Francisco

1925, Willie Watson - 5.74

16. Wintonbury Hills

Bloomfield, Conn.

2003, Pete Dye, Tim Liddy - 5.70

17. Torrey Pines – North

La Jolla, Calif.

1957, William F. Bell -5.69

18. Thunderhawk

Beach Park, Ill.

1999, Robert Trent Jones Jr. - 5.67

19. Sleepy Hollow*

Brecksville, Ohio

1925, Stanley Thompson - 5.67

20. Indian Wells Golf Resort – Celebrity

Indian Wells, Calif.

2006, Clive Clark - 5.63

21. Bethpage State Park – Red

Farmingdale, N.Y.

1935, A.W. Tillinghast - 5.60

22. Crandon Park

Key Biscayne, Fla.

1972, Bruce Devlin, Robert von Hagge - 5.58

23. Sunbrook – Pointe/Woodbridge

St. George, Utah

1991, Ted Robinson - 5.56

24. Hideout

Monticello, Utah

2002, Forrest Richardson - 5.55

25. Desert Willow – Firecliff*

Palm Desert, Calif.

1997, Michael Hurdzan - 5.54

26. Indian Canyon

Spokane, Wash.

1935, H. Chandler Egan - 5.54

27. SilverRock

La Quinta, Calif.

2005, Arnold Palmer - 5.52

28. Bowes Creek*

Elgin, Ill.

2009, Rick Jacobson - 5.51

29. Washington County

Hartford, Wis.

1997, Arthur Hills - 5.50

30. Brackenridge Park

San Antonio

1915, A.W. Tillinghast - 5.50

31. Soule Park

Ojai, Calif.

1962, Robert Baldock, William F. Bell; Gil Hanse (2005) - 5.50

32. Olivas Links

Ventura, Calif.

2007, Forrest Richardson - 5.45

33. Aspen GC

Aspen, Colo.

1970, Frank Hummel - 5.44

34. Montauk Downs

Montauk Point, N.Y.

1968, Rees Jones - 5.43

35. Breckenridge

Breckenridge, Colo.

1987, Jack Nicklaus - 5.42

36. Tierra Verde*

Arlington, Texas

1998, David Graham, Gary Panks - 5.40

37. Shepherd’s Crook

Zion, Ill.

1999, Keith Foster - 5.39

38. North Palm Beach

North Palm Beach, Fla.

1928, Charles Banks, Seth Raynor; Jack Nicklaus (2006) - 5.39

39. Chaska Town Course

Chaska, Minn.

1997, Arthur Hills - 5.38

40. Audobon Park Executive*

New Orleans

2002, Dennis Griffiths - 5.38

41. TPC Scottsdale – Champions

Scottsdale, Ariz.

2007, Randy Heckenkemper - 5.35

42. Boulder Creek

Boulder City, Nev.

2003,Mark Rathert - 5.35

43. Harborside International – Starboard

Chicago

1996, Dick Nugent - 5.32

44. Lassing Pointe

Union, Ky.

1994, Michael Hurdzan - 5.31

45. Wingpoint

Salt Lake City

1991, Arthur Hills - 5.30

46. Sand Creek Station

Newton, Kan.

2006, Jeff Brauer - 5.29

47. Inniscrone*

Avondale, Pa.

1998, Gil Hanse, Bill Kittleman - 5.29

48. Neshanic Valley*

Neshanic Station, N.J.

2004, Michael Hurdzan - 5.29

49. Fossil Trace

Golden, Colo.

2003, Jim Engh - 5.28

50. Cobblestone

Acworth, Ga.

1993, Ken Dye - 5.27

* New to list

Why I don't do pair's figure skating

2011-04-28T12:15:00.000-06:00

Ouch!

Yes, in addition to showing a broken nose, I'm probably breaking a law or two by posting this picture without permission, but I will at least say it's from USA Today's Day in Sports.

Best golf courses 'you can play' in Utah!

2011-03-16T13:47:00.005-06:00

According to this article on GolfWeek's website, these are the top ten courses that 'you can play' (I'm assuming this means regular schmoes like me...) in Utah. See the article for the top courses for the rest of the country.

GC at Sand Hollow (Championship), St. George (m)
Thanksgiving Point, Lehi (m)
Coral Canyon, St. George (m)
Hideout GC, Montecello (m)
Soldier Hollow (Gold), Midway (m)
Sunbrook GC (Pointe/Woodbridge), St. George (m)
The Ledges of St.) George, St. George (m)*
The Ranches GC, Eagle Mountain (m)*
Entrada at Snow Canyon, St. George (m)
Wingpointe, Salt Lake City (m)

I've played only five of them so far. How about you?

So incredibly sad...

2011-03-14T13:21:00.000-06:00

My heart just goes out to the people of Japan. More so as the number of injured and killed just keeps growing!

Below is just an incredible video of the tsunami and the power of nature. It's just amazing as the water level starts to rise in the streets and as, first, cars then trucks and, finally, buildings(!) drift by.

Happy Pi Day!

2011-03-14T13:14:00.000-06:00

Celebrate everything 3.14...ad infinitum. If you've never heard of Pi Day, it's about time you get with the program! You can learn more about it here.

Hey, I think I've played golf with this guy before...

2011-03-11T12:35:00.008-07:00

Just kidding. He putts way better than anyone I've played with, but these videos sure are funny.

If you don't know who Ben Crane is, he's a golfer on the PGA Tour.

MADD for irony

2011-03-03T11:43:00.000-07:00

Okay, this one's pretty funny too, and really sad at the same time...

A former MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) president was arrested for--you guessed it--drunk driving. And she wasn't just a little drunk. Two breath tests put her blood alcohol between .234-.239 (almost three times Florida's .08 limit). I guess she's not against drunk driving anymore...

(photo from, and thanks for info to, The Car Connection)

Disturbingly funny...

2011-03-02T12:47:00.002-07:00

I thought this Subaru Forester commercial was pretty dang funny. But it was also one of the more disturbing things I've seen in awhile too... :P

By the way, I used to drive a Forester. I thought it was a pretty good car. Check it out if you're looking for a crossover type vehicle. Mine didn't come with Sumo wrestlers though.

How a busy rabbit doesn't lose all his carrots...

2011-02-24T12:27:00.003-07:00

You may have noticed I haven't done much posting lately. The problem isn't lack of desire; it's lack of time! I'm taking two courses at college in the evenings and until recently, was finishing up an independent study class. Just to show you what it's like, one of my weeks had a final on Friday, read a book and write a report for a class for the following Tuesday, and study for a midterm for the other class on Thursday. All this while keeping up with class attendance, class reading, and doing assignments! I'm amazed I didn't drop dead that week!

The only way I was able to keep things straight was to have all my assignment deadlines online and at my fingertips. I could bore you with all the to-do list type applications that I went through or mention the probably hundreds that I didn't have time for, but I won't do that. If you'd like to take your own journey through that vast field, just Google "to-do list applications" or "GTD" (Getting Things Done). It'll definitely keep you busy.

For me, I just had a few requirements:

online - I had to be able to access it from anywhere.
easy - nothing complicated. Just let me enter a task, a due date, and be done!
quick - See "easy". Quickly add a task and date. Keyboard shortcuts are a real help here.
flexible - But when I need it to do some more complicated things, those features should be available somewhere. And nothing fancy either: recurring appointments, flagging tasks, stuff like that.

So after a bit of testing, I settled on... are you ready for it?... Todoist. Like I said, it's nothing fancy, but it lets me do what I need to do to keep organized and on top of my homework quickly and easily and for free! There's a monthly paid version, as well, with more powerful features which is probably worth it if you need those, but for me the free version is good enough.

Right now, I'm just using it online, but according to their website they have both iPhone and Android apps available (third-party I'm assuming), and an API to extend Todoist's functionality. Something I'll have to play with (once I have some time... :) ).

I hope I don't have any homework that night!

2011-02-23T11:56:00.000-07:00

SyFy just announced that new episodes of Stargate Universe begin on March 7! There will be 10 new episodes coming (Yay!), unfortunately, these will probably be the last 10 episodes (Boo!).

Also, for you Sanctuary fans (and wanna be fans-like me), 10 new episodes are coming for that as well, beginning April 15.

Read all about it here!

Happy Birthday, Jules Verne!

2011-02-08T08:59:00.000-07:00

Today (February 8) is Jules Verne's birthday. He, as much as anyone else in my early life, influenced what became my love for science, science fiction, and all things gadget. I'm not much of a novel reader, but I remember loving the books of his that I did read.

Anyway, he must be famous. Even Google has gotten into the act of celebrating his birthday...

Golf quote trivia question

2011-01-25T12:24:00.004-07:00

Who said the following?

"It's good sportsmanship not to pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling."

Remember, no cheating and answer posted in a day or two*.

*But if you really need to know now, you can go here.

One of these days, I'm going to see this show

2011-01-25T12:05:00.000-07:00

My wife and teenage daughter really like this show. From the few snippets I've seen, I think I'd like it as well. (And you can't go wrong with Amanda Tapping, but I digress.) Anyway, it appears that Sanctuary has been renewed for a fourth season, so good on ya guys! Keep it going and one of these days I'll have a marathon and catch up on the episodes!

Microsoft Mathematics 4.0 for Windows for free!

2011-01-21T12:29:00.006-07:00

Now that I've posted about how I'm not generally going to do this, here's a post I'm copying over from my tech blog 'cuz I think it's of general interest, especially to students...

Here's a freebie I found on Dealnews. Download Microsoft's Mathematics 4.0 for Windows free!

If you don't know about this program (I didn't!), this is what Microsoft says about it: "Microsoft Mathematics provides a graphing calculator that plots in 2D and 3D, step-by-step equation solving, and useful tools to help students with math and science studies."

Sounds like a handy thing to have especially since I'm taking Stats (well, maybe it could help) and I'm planning to take an upper-division math class later this year.

Old and lazy. Here's a link...

2011-01-21T12:13:00.000-07:00

Quite often I post about things techy and geeky. Some of the posts I think are general interest and will put it here. Others, however, are quite "geeky" and appeal mainly to a certain group. I even have a new blogger site just for those types of posts. A couple of those posts I just copied and pasted from that blog into this one (like this one), but I think from now on I will stick geeky posts in there and maybe post a link to the story. Or maybe you could just click on the link to my other blog (see sidebar). Whatever you prefer.

Ahh-choo! Auggh! You're too close to me! Augggh!

2011-01-20T12:53:00.001-07:00

This is why I get a flu shot every year, and take my vitamins, and...

A recent story in DiscoveryNews told of a research experiment where scientists gave each of 788 high school students and staff a device* that recorded anytime two devices came within 10 feet of each other. Why 10 feet? Apparently, that's "considered the maximum distance that spit, phlegm, or snot infected with influenza can travel." (the story's wording, not mine. And I'm assuming this is via sneeze or cough and not via being flung by some other method... but I digress...) This was done over the course of a regular high school day of classes, lunch, and other meetings. So how many interactions did these devices record? Care to venture a guess?

Well, I'll tell you: 762,868! That's almost 1,000 times during a regular school day that each student or teacher had the opportunity to come across possible pathogens. Yikes!

*For all you techno-geeks out there, apparently this is the device used to record the encounters.

Happy belated birthday to Wikipedia!

2011-01-17T12:19:00.003-07:00

Wikipedia turned 10 on January 15, 2011.

I always used to turn to Google when I wanted to find out about something. Now, I usually end up on Wikipedia first, collect some relevant information (at least according to the Wikipedia article's author(s)) then turn to Google to do more detailed search and research.

Happy Birthday and here's hoping for many more!

EMail recall

2011-01-14T12:14:00.001-07:00

As mentioned in this post, hitting "Reply All" in an email could be an embarrassing thing. If you happen to use GMail, you might have an out--the timing of which is even up to you! Check out this post from a friend of mine who owns an IT consultancy. As an aside, he's a good guy who knows his stuff. Check out his company if you are in the market for IT services!

Free entrance to the National Parks!

2011-01-12T12:25:00.001-07:00

If you're a fan of the National Park system (like me), or just wanting to explore a new one, or you've never been, here're a few chances to do so without paying for it!*

The days in 2011 you can get into the parks fee free are as follows:

Janurary 15-17 (Martin Luther King, Jr. Birthday weekend)
April 16-24 (National Park Week)
June 21 (First day of summer)
September 24 (Public Lands Day)
November 11-13 (Veterans Day weekend)

*According to the above web page, most of the 394 National Parks never charge an entrance fee, so obviously this only applies to those that normally do. So what are you waiting for?! Get exploring!

My employer is so bad...

2011-01-11T12:43:00.001-07:00

Okay, not really. I actually enjoy where I work. For instance, at least I have time to post on my blog during lunch hour. :)

However, if you're not so lucky and don't enjoy where you work, at least you can write about it and not worry (too much) about getting fired because of it, based on this article that appeared in USA Today not too long ago.

According to the article, a woman was illegally fired because she posted disparaging remarks about her supervisor on her personal Facebook page. The National Labor Relations Board's acting general counsel, Lafe Solomon, said that "It's the same thing as talking at the water cooler." According to an attorney for the company that fired this woman, it has a policy against employees discussing the company on the internet. Obviously, the NLRB doesn't agree with this policy.

Test your sports knowledge for 2010

2011-01-04T12:12:00.000-07:00

Here's a little quiz from USA Today about sports headlines from 2010. How did you do? (I got 9 out of 10, and I even had the 10th, but changed my answer. blah.)

And, I don't know why it was a joyless sports year. After all, my San Francisco Giants finally won a World Series!

Yes, this is my daughter's room...

2011-01-01T23:05:00.000-07:00

You think I jest...

"Dear Americans...

2010-12-23T10:50:00.001-07:00

"...We totally agree with you about illegal immigration. Please allow us to show you to the nearest airport.

Sincerely,
Native Americans"

Thanks go to dearblankpleaseblank.com.

This! This is why I don't want my teenagers to have a car...

2010-12-19T11:14:00.000-07:00

Gee. Thanks a lot honey. I love you too...

2010-12-17T12:46:00.000-07:00

My wife, younger daughter, and I were getting our hair cut last night. And here is a snippet of a conversation my daughter and I were having when we were so rudely interrupted...

daughter: "Gee, daddy, you should let me pluck out all your grey hairs and then you'd look really young!"
wife (from the other room): "But then he'd be bald!"

How much Spanish did you learn your first semester?

2010-12-16T13:06:00.000-07:00

This is pretty dang funny. And I don't know about you, but the amount and quality of Spanish seems about what I learned...

I can't relate to this comic, can you?

2010-12-12T22:49:00.000-07:00

None of you have ever done this, have you? You know, write a scathing email then send it to the very person/people you were writing about? I never have... Yeah, right.

By the way, I just love Pearls Before Swine. I'm a big fan of silly puns and ridiculous word-play and PBS gives me my fix every day. Read the artist's official blog here.

Some Chinese proverbs for your enjoyment

2010-12-10T12:29:00.000-07:00

I like these. Short, but oh, so true...

A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.
A bit of fragrance clings to the hand that gives flowers.
A book holds a house of gold.
A book is like a garden carried in the pocket.
A book tightly shut is but a block of paper.
A child's life is like a piece of paper on which every person leaves a mark.
A diamond with a flaw is worth more than a pebble without imperfections.
A gem is not polished without rubbing, nor a man perfected without trials.
A nation's treasure is in its scholars.
A rat who gnaws at a cat's tail invites destruction.
Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.
Be the first to the field and the last to the couch.
Dig the well before you are thirsty.
Do not fear going forward slowly; fear only to stand still.
Don't open a shop unless you like to smile.
Each generation will reap what the former generation has sown.
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
He who strikes the first blow admits he's lost the argument.
If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.
If you don't want anyone to know, don't do it.
Keep your broken arm inside your sleeve.
Not until just before dawn do people sleep best; not until people get old do they become wise.
Only the man who crosses the river at night knows the value of the light of day
The palest ink is better than the best memory.
To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.

Courtesy of the Insurance Broadcasting newsletter. For more Chinese proverbs, check out Wikiquote.

On the first day of Christmas, my retailer sent to me...

2010-12-09T11:51:00.001-07:00

..a small tire in a big, honkin' box!

Really. That's all there was--one bmx tire--in this giant box. Thanks to my co-worker who let me take a picture of his package, ...and the retailer shall remain nameless.

The cup is definitely half-full.

2010-12-05T21:36:00.001-07:00

This is kinda how I approach when it is I play golf...

Chuck Norris is so tough...

2010-12-03T12:20:00.000-07:00

This one is for my son, a big fan of Chuck Norris. Or maybe it's just Chuck Norris jokes.

Anyway, Chuck has been named an honorary Texas Ranger! Now, he doesn't have to pose as a Ranger being Cordell Walker; he can pose as a Ranger being himself!

I must say, he definitely looks better in this article than when I posted about him here.

Do you have an iPad?...

2010-11-30T12:32:00.003-07:00

Have I got a case for you!

Okay, maybe I'm just old and nostalgic, but it's really cool!

A great quote

2010-11-28T23:00:00.001-07:00

"Men's and nations' finest hour consist of those moments when extraordinary challenge is met by extraordinary response. Hence in those darkest hours, we must light our individual candles rather than vying with others to call attention to the enveloping darkness. Our indignation about injustice should lead to illumination, for if it does not, we are only adding to the despair—and the moment of gravest danger is when there is so little light that darkness seems normal!" - Neal A. Maxwell (1926-2004), LDS Apostle.

Who are you? And what do you stand for? But maybe most important, what are you yourself willing to do about it?

Golf sale at Uinta Golf!

2010-11-24T13:23:00.002-07:00

Today through Thursday, Thanksgiving, Uinta Golf is taking 15% off your entire order in their online store! So, don't live in Utah? No problem! There is, of course, the usual fine print about certain items not being included, such as all Ping items. See their home page for details. But as an example, the Garmin Approach G3 GPS that I covet is $270 minus 15% = $229.50. Amazon's price is $244. Pretty good.

It's the bra, stupid!

2010-11-22T12:37:00.000-07:00

With apologies to President Clinton, or maybe not, depending on your view of his presidency. But I digress...

The real reason for this post is based on this article from USA Today. According to USA Today, retail analyst John Morris says that brisk sales of Victoria's Secret "Miraculous" bras (sorry, you'll have to dig up that link for yourself...) could be a good indicator of two important economic trends.

If women buy these high-priced bras, it probably indicates they'll buy other things for themselves. This is important because shoppers mainly bought presents for others.
The "Bombshell" bras cost anywhere from $50 to $250. This doesn't include the jewel-encrusted one which goes for $2 million. So what does this mean? Well, according to the story, it's important to note that the buyers of the bras are not husbands buying for their wives, but it's the wives buying for themselves which indicate that shoppers may be willing to indulge.

So, people are buying for themselves more and not only for others, and they're buying more expensive things. Sounds like good support for the economy. Oooo... I didn't just say that, did I?

It's beginning to look a lot like...

2010-11-22T12:14:00.002-07:00

...Thanksgiving? Shouldn't it be looking more like fall than winter? I blame it all on the retailers who had Christmas stuff out before Halloween! They must've fooled Mother Nature or something...

Who says your vote doesn't count?

2010-11-18T12:23:00.001-07:00

I love these feel good kind of stories...

Two couples, old friends who had not seen each other in awhile, had a chance meeting at their polling place. The wife of one couple, Enid, upon seeing her old friends, Noel and Mary Beth, remembered a ring she had found with the initials M & N on it. It turns out that it was Noel's wedding ring, last seen in 1966! Apparently, Noel lent it to his son to use as a Scout neckerchief slide (I'm not sure I would do that! :) ) and it was lost later that evening when he took it off. At a holiday dinner sometime later, Enid found it, tried to find the owner and when she couldn't, put it into safe keeping. The chance meeting jogged her memory and the ring is now back to its rightful owner.

Read the full story from The Deseret News here.

PS. Here's a weird (but unimportant) connection to me: The son now lives in Fresno, CA, where I grew up.

I'm a geeky fan, but not this much of a geeky fan...

2010-11-15T13:05:00.000-07:00

but as Darth Vader would say... "Impressive"

Sometimes I wonder...

2010-11-15T12:53:00.000-07:00

You don't suppose that the workers in my office are doing this whenever we aren't around, do you? I guess I can understand since I'd do the same thing if my boss were out... Nah, that'd never happen...

Can you spell "hypocrite?"

2010-11-11T17:26:00.001-07:00

Maybe it starts with a "C," as in C-H-A-F-F-E-T-Z. In this story, Representative Chaffetz (R-Utah) says that "we're paying too many people too much money," and said that the number of federal workers who make more than $150,000 has doubled since President Obama took office. (NOTE: Actually, I'm not sure that's factual. I need to check another article I saw that I thought said it's doubled in the last 5 years. I'll edit when I find out more, but I'll assume he's correct since he should know.) He also said that federal workers' pay should be frozen, if not cut 10%.

So to me, that sounds like anyone on the federal payroll making $150,000/yr should get their pay cut 10%, right? How much is his salary? $174,000. So he'll gladly accept a pay cut, right?

According to the article in the Deseret News, "When asked whether $174,000 is too much, Chaffetz pointed instead to the overall congressional budget and said it needs to be revamped." Way to skirt the question there ~~hypocrite~~ Representative Chaffetz. At least he works for Utah (I think). I'd hate to be "the other guy" that gets his pay cut.

AUGGHH!! This is a national emergency! Call Obama!

2010-11-10T07:58:00.002-07:00

What's he doing trying to solve the economy and health care issues?!? This is the real tragedy! He needs to do something NOW! We're running out of Chocolate!

Looks like someone else will be joining Wade in the unemployment line...

2010-11-10T07:51:00.000-07:00

What kind of an operation is Jones running there in Dallas?!? I know that going 1-7 to start the season is a little embarrassing, but to try to hide the existence of your team by not renewing its domain name is a little extreme, isn't it?

Top 5 States to Play Golf

2010-11-09T12:06:00.002-07:00

...at least according to one editor from Golf Digest magazine. Since I only started playing a few years ago, I've yet to play outside Utah (except for a couple of rounds in Mesquite, NV - about 30 miles from Utah), so I'm in no position to judge.

Do you agree with his list?

#5 South Carolina
#4 Hawaii
#3 Michigan
#2 Oregon
#1 California

The Queen of Facebook

2010-11-09T07:28:00.000-07:00

Hey, if she's all in, then I can't be all wrong for being a Facebook fan, can I?

A "driver's license" for golf

2010-10-25T12:18:00.003-06:00

Can I just rant here for a second? I was playing a round of golf on Friday and I was behind a two-some who were playing from the tips (6700 yd tees). Not a problem, except they didn't belong there! I was playing the next tees up (6300 yds, so an average of 20 yds shorter / tee) and I always had to wait until after their second shots, and often after their third shots before I could tee off. It was so bad that a three-some in front of them actually left them behind! I finally got past them, but come on!

So, I propose a Driver's License for golf. I'm sure it's been thought of before, but the Driver needs to be able to hit driver at least X yards and hit Y fairways / round before being allowed on the longest tees. It sure would make playing golf a lot more pleasant, at least for me. And while I'm at it (the rant, that is) how about a written etiquette test that has to be passed before going out on the Driver test?

Not exactly the governator...

2010-10-20T12:28:00.001-06:00

How would you like to have this guy as your next governor (I'm talking about the guy on the right :) )? I'm not sure which I like better: his beard, or his political party...

Thanks go to Insurance Newscast.

Well, this explains all the babbling emails...

2010-10-13T07:54:00.000-06:00

7% of Babies Boast their Own Email Address.

But then, what about the other 90% of emails I get that are gobbledygook?

Rah, Rah

2010-10-07T12:56:00.001-06:00

I've got a team in my workplace's "Elite" (whatever that means) Fantasy Football league. Not only that, but I'm currently 3-1. Woo-hoo for me!

But that's not my reason for writing. I just wanted to share some of the funnier (at least to me) FF team names that are out there. (And you know how much I just love word play)

10. "Burrested Development"

9. "Armed Schaubbery" (he better be. he's my starting QB this year.)

8. "Boldin the Beautiful" (at least he was when he was on my FF team a few years ago...)

7. "What Would Jones-Drew?" (and your WWJD bracelet still makes sense...)

6. "Casselblanca"

5. "Ahman the Inactive List, Again"

4. "Larry Csonka and the Chocolate Factory"

3. "Somewhere over Dwayne Bowe"

2. "Orton Hears a Who"

and my favorite...

1. "Do us all a Favre and retire"

Okay, a bonus for the "guys" (my wife won't appreciate it...)

"Show us your TDs"

Courtesy of bleacher report

A New Beginning...

2010-10-04T22:18:00.000-06:00

Yes, I'm back! I've been a little busy, but mostly lazy. Actually, I've been learning to play golf, and going at it full tilt! Not very good at it, mind you, but I've been enjoying myself. So be prepared to see a lot more posts here, especially about golf. However, that doesn't mean there will no longer be the wit and wisdom you've all (all 3 of you--okay, I might be a little optimistic) have come to know and love. Stay tuned.

Too many Tweeties?

2010-06-11T09:07:00.001-06:00

What's up with this? Too many people with too much nothing to say?

Not sure I want to hold this phone up to my ear...

2010-06-02T14:40:00.001-06:00

This cordless handset just seems a little painful (not to mention heavy).

What's amazing is that 58% go ahead and buy this cordless system and only 37% actually go on to buy what looks more like a phone! :P

Guess Who?

2010-05-20T12:17:00.001-06:00

Can you tell who this is in the picture below? When I read the caption, I had a hard time believing it! Answer coming in a few days...

UPDATE 6/2: It's Chuck Norris! Can you believe this is what Walker, Texas Ranger looks like now?

Land Reclamation Project

2010-05-19T13:09:00.000-06:00

Based on this article from USA Today, I figure that in a few years there'll be no need for Glacier National Park. Why? Since there won't be any more glaciers! Duh...

Anyway, we should just decommission it as a national park and build some condos or at least some coal-fired electricity plants. Montana's Big Sky Country, right? What difference are a few smokestacks going to make.

C'mon. It makes sense. Admit it.

Ummm... Thanks, but I'll wait for the next car going up...

2010-04-13T12:06:00.001-06:00

Researchers at Stanford University have created a car that will drive up Colorado's Pikes Peak. Oh, I guess I should mention that it will do it driverless! According to USA Today, the car "can traverse rough terrain, accelerate quickly and negotiate sharp turns like other high-performance sports cars." It just doesn't need a driver. I don't know about you, but I think I'll let the technology mature a little before getting into a car that drives itself. :)

Here's the article. Interesting read.

Reason #827 I love Verizon Wireless

2010-04-12T12:01:00.001-06:00

Although I have AT&T for my phone because 1) my company pays for the service and 2) they're the only ones that have the iPhone, I must say I just love Verizon Wireless for my family's plan.

On this past month's bill both my daughter and my wife had a couple of, let's just say, questionable text charges. Without even blinking (as far as I could tell. I wouldn't know if he blinked or not.) the Verizon rep offered to take those charges off for us which were immediately reflected on my bill.

Of course, they're not perfect, but they've done right by me.

Bravo for Verizon who just gets customer service.

0h n0! whr dd 4ll th3 v0w3ls g0?

2010-04-01T10:43:00.002-06:00

Ha ha! This is pretty dang funny (from Google, of course)

Today’s vowel outage

Thursday, April 01, 2010 6:49 AM

Posted by Sam Schillace, Gmail Engineering Director

If you logged into Gmail over the last hour (or visited the Gmail homepage), you probably noticed that something looked a bit off: all the vowels are missing. We realize this makes things difficult for all of you who rely on Gmail — whether at home or at work — and we’re incredibly sorry. We take morphological issues like this extremely seriously, so we want to let you all know what happened and what we're doing about it.

At 6:01 am Pacific Time, during routine maintenance at one of our datacenters, the frontend web servers in that particular datacenter started failing to render the letter 'a' for a subset of users. As error rates escalated, the strain spread to other datacenters. We worked quickly to avoid a cascading failure of the entire alphabet by implementing a stopgap solution that limited the damage to the letters 'a,' 'e,' 'i,' 'o,' and 'u.' As a result, we're experiencing Gmail’s first temporary vowel outage. (We’re still investigating whether the letter 'y' is impacted and will post an update here shortly.)

Over the last hour we've received numerous reports of this issue via our help forums, from colleagues at Google, and via email you’ve sent us. Some of you have already found creative workarounds for communicating without vowels, like Aaron, who sent us this:

Having 80.8% of the alphabet available is significantly below the 99.9% full letter uptime reliability we strive for. Since identifying the root case of this issue, we’ve started bringing vowels back to Gmail, so you should see them back in your account within the next few hours if you don’t already. In the meantime, while you may still see this issue in Gmail's web interface, both IMAP and POP access are functioning normally. We'll post an update as soon as things are fully resolved and, again, we're v3ry s0rry.

Update (7:30 am): We’ve determined that the letter 'y' is not impacted.

Where will you be Dec. 17, 2010?

2010-03-09T07:48:00.002-07:00

I'll be at the sequel of one of my all-time favorite movies... (And, yes, I am a nerd. Thank you.)

Happy International Women's Day all!

2010-03-08T00:10:00.000-07:00

International Women's Day

Tell me again why we play golf?

2010-02-25T17:47:00.001-07:00

After watching this video, I think it's only for the amusement of those that don't play golf. However, I really enjoyed the poor schmuck fellow at about :49 into it.

via GolfBlogger

Do they check fluids with that tire change?

2010-02-17T12:43:00.000-07:00

If I had, like, a gazillion dollars, the Bugatti Veyron would be the car I'd own. At only $1.2M, it's a steal.

So, being a gazillionaire, I guess I wouldn't care about the annual $20,000 maintenance, the $30,000 for a new set of tires (every 2,500 miles), nor the recommendation by Bugatti that the wheels be replaced every 10,000 miles along with the tires for only $50,000.

Sigh...

via Luxurylaunches

FarmVille!

2010-02-16T13:00:00.005-07:00

Are you a member of Facebook? If so, have you ever played FarmVille? If you already play it, you can watch this video, but it's not really for you (or maybe it is...). If you haven't played it yet, but have the urge to try it, this video should kill that urge off nicely...

PS-About the last 1/4 of the video is outtakes and advertising for the site. He's got some pretty good stuff though...

How to mathematically prepare your bagel

2010-02-11T20:49:00.000-07:00

Once you go out and get bagels, do you just slice 'em in half, slather some cream cheese on, and eat?

Well... BORING!

Next time you have some fresh bagels, do something a little different and make a Mobius strip. Amaze your friends and family!

via BoingBoing

The way to keep customers coming back (well, me at least)

2010-02-06T23:02:00.000-07:00

Last week my wife said she wanted some bagels for breakfast, so being the wonderful husband that I am, I went to Einstein Bros to pick up a dozen bucket.

It was an especially easy decision given that I had finally earned a free dozen bucket using one of their promotions. I took my family's order and off I went.

Since I was still in my jammies, I decided to use their drive-thru. When I pulled up, I informed them that I had a card for a free dozen and proceeded to order. Unfortunately, they told me they were out of one type of bagel, so I changed things up a little, making sure that my order still added up to 13. Since it was a free dozen bagels, it did not include any cream cheese. I wanted some so I ordered that as well (how can you eat a bagel without cream cheese?). I pulled up to the window, got my bagels, paid for the cream cheese and off I went.

It wasn't until I got home that I realized there were only 11 bagels in the box! I called the manager at the store ready to yell and scream because I was just positive he/she was going to tell me the 11 I got were already free and what did I expect? But much to my chagrin (yes, I was hoping I could yell...) she asked me how to fix things. I replied that I'd be happy to just get the missing bagels next time I came in, but she said that to make it right, she'd give me another dozen! A free dozen for me not getting all of my free dozen. She took my name and number down and said to let them know the next time I came in.

So this morning I went back to that same Einstein Bros and told them my story. The worker went to the back, verified my name and took my order for a dozen. End of story? Well, almost. They let me order 13, not 12. Not only that, but they gave me the cream cheese that I was going to pay for. Bonus on top of the bonus!

Corporate policy or manager's initiative, I don't know, but either way, they have a happy customer. One that's going to keep coming back and one that's going to tell other people about my experience. Think about it: what if she didn't make me happy? A lost customer to save 11 bagels and a tub of cream cheese? Doesn't sound very smart to me. What she did for me is just good business and I'm more than happy to keep buying Einstein Bros foods.

Happy 200 to me!

2010-02-06T22:14:00.002-07:00

Okay, it's all fluff, but on my way to creating a 'real' post, I noticed that this is the 200th post for this blog!

Woo-hoo!

The story of my boyhood sports hero

2010-02-01T22:34:00.000-07:00

The authorized story, that is...

When I was a wee lad, all I wanted to do was be a pro baseball player. I'd play every chance I got, I'd read everything I could about the game, and I'd watch every game I could, whether it was pro (we had a Single A team in town), college or high school. Heck, back then, I didn't even know they didn't make all that much money. Certainly not the kind of money they make today. But I digress.

My baseball idol back in those days was Willie Mays. Scratch that. He still is. And, he's the reason for this post. We finally have an authorized biography of Willie Mays! I can't wait to read it!

via Holy Kaw!

So, what did you do with your Christmas tree after Christmas?

2010-01-28T12:12:00.001-07:00

Recycle it? Toss it in the trash? Cut it up for firewood? Whatever it was, it was probably not what these guys did...

Today's the day!

2010-01-27T08:33:00.000-07:00

Yes, I admit it. I am an Apple fanboy. As such, I will be keeping a close eye on what happens at their media event today where it's expected that Apple releases their long-awaited tablet computer. Will they? Won't they? I guess we'll know in a few hours (it starts at 11am Mountain)...

If you want to follow along, here are a few places to do so...

http://www.engadget.com/2010/01/27/live-from-the-apple-tablet-latest-creation-event/

http://live.gizmodo.com/

http://www.wired.com/gadgetlab/2010/01/apple-tablet-event/

http://live.slashgear.com/

http://theappleblog.com/live/

Easily shrink pictures for uploading or sending

2010-01-22T12:05:00.004-07:00

I guess that's why they call the app "Shrink Pic." This utility is for those of you who do a lot of picture posting to your own blogs or sending via email or IM.

Basically, Shrink Pic automatically creates a temporary copy, resizes it and sends it instead.

For instance, the below picture's size on my hard drive is 450K. When I insert the picture into the post (which uploads it into my storage), Shrink Pic resizes it to 52K in my blog storage, saving me a lot of space for more pictures! I've only had Shrink Pic for a little while, but it seems to work great! One small caveat, though. Shrink Pic doesn't seem to work for me when sending from Outlook 2007 running on Windows 7. I'm going to contact the author to see what's going on since the website says it's supported.

Shrink Pic doesn't modify the original, nor does it seem to change it when moving pictures from folder to folder, even if it's something like my online DropBox account. By the way, did I tell you Shrink Pic is free? Even better!

for Windows, via LifeHacker

On sale now! 30% off!

2010-01-19T11:59:00.000-07:00

Get a soon-to-be-retired space shuttle on sale while you can! Only $28.8M!

Top 100 books for 2009

2010-01-14T12:32:00.002-07:00

Here is USA Today's top 100 best-selling books for 2009.

So, what sticks out? How about Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series' books taking the #1 spot. And #2. And #3. And #4. Yeesh. In fact, the entire boxed set came in at #70! (Not to mention #19 with The Host)

My son's favorite series, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, nails down #7, #8, #18, and #24.

And finally, vampires seem to have a hold on readers in general. Charlaine Harris had nine books make the top 100, mostly about vampires along with P.C. Cast and Kristin Cast with six books.

What's your favorite?

How Great Thou Art!

2010-01-12T18:53:00.003-07:00

"O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed."

The lyrics of that song came to mind as I viewed the following photograph. Just pretty amazing. In fact, it's now my desktop wallpaper. You can get your own hi-res copy here.

For those of you who don't want to click through to the Bad Astronomy article (I highly recommend reading it), it's a picture from the Hubble telescope. You know how you go outside on a dark night and look up and see all those stars, and then you keep looking at one spot for a few seconds and more stars appear? Well, this is sorta like that. They pointed Hubble at an "empty" area of space and let it gather in light for 48 hours. 48 hours! How long can you keep your eyes open? Anyway, what Hubble was able to capture is light from galaxies 13 Billion light-years away! The article says that some of the light from these galaxies is "only" 600 million years after the Big Bang.

Oh, yeah, one more thing. The width of this picture only covers about 1/15th the width of a full moon. It would take 30 million of these pictures to cover the entire sky!

"Thy power throughout the universe displayed" indeed.

Twelfth Night Before Christmas...

2010-01-11T12:34:00.001-07:00

This past Christmas, my son had to memorize Clement Clarke Moore's "A Visit from St. Nicholas." You probably know it better as "The Night Before Christmas." In fact, the Wikipedia article states that it was actually published anonymously in 1823 and is only attributed to Moore. But I digress...

The reason for this post is to update the poem a little. At least update the interpretation based on what Google Voice thought it heard from a speaker. And no, it's not me. And I can't vouch for how good the author's English is. I won't post the text here since I haven't gotten permission yet from the author or from Google Voice, but it's pretty funny really, especially where Santa calls out the reindeer names. Read it here.

The 'military intelligence' oxymoron strikes again!

2010-01-06T12:37:00.001-07:00

Who the heck would spend $4.5 million on a remote control plane and not spend enough to thwart a $26 software app that steals video feeds? Oh, yeah, the U.S. Government...

Thanks to boingboing for pointing this out.

What I am NOT asking for this Christmas...

2009-12-20T22:33:00.000-07:00

Yeah, that's all I need. A tweeting scale to let everyone in the world know what I weigh.

Seriously, though, the tweeting is optional and the graphs are pretty cool. I also read an article somewhere (I'll have to look it up when I have some time) that says people are more successful at weight control when they can see and track their weight over time. This scale would be the perfect way to do it.

If you know...

2009-12-19T22:40:00.000-07:00

...Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen, then why do you have to ask if you recall the MOST FAMOUS reindeer of all?

Just wonderin'...

The most awesome dance I've ever seen...

2009-12-15T21:54:00.002-07:00

But then, I can be biased since this is one of my daughters at her dance recital. She was selected to do a solo and I think the teacher made a good choice! By the way, yes, I did miss the beginning of the dance, but I have a good excuse*, sorta.

*She was listed as being fifth on the program but the fourth dancer looked somewhat familiar in the blue dimness. As the music started I ask my wife, "Is that her?" "I don't know..." "Ahhh!! That is her! Ahhh!!" As I fumble with the buttons, frantically trying to get the recorder started. Sigh... But isn't she just great?

Office Christmas party?

2009-12-15T09:07:00.004-07:00

Okay, this is too funny not to pass along. It came in an email from a co-worker of mine. Start at the top and read on (and hopefully I don't offend anyone...)

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2008
RE: Gala Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.

There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM.

Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2008
RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party."

The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree, and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2008
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel
that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

REMEMBER: NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2008
RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are!

I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party!

Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take home in a little foil doggy baggy. Will that work for you?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.

Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be availablefor those on a diet. I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food. The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first. There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2008
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes.

But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them
scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

The rest of you f*%^ing weirdoes can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!

Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2008
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!
Joan

Hitting the big Five-Oh

2009-12-15T09:00:00.002-07:00

No, I'm personally not hitting 50 yet. However, with this entry, I have proudly hit 50 posts for the year, surpassing my 49 in 2006! Woo-hoo! Okay, okay, I know some of you can do 50 posts in a week, but hey, I'm a busy bunny.

Anyway, congrats to me! You may all return to your regularly scheduled lives now.